He Knows

Ten months ago my Mister encouraged and supported me in my decision to leave my place of employment.  I was utterly clueless in my next steps.  There were no next steps.  I only knew God was calling me to take the first step, leave your desk job.  Leave now.

In all honesty I was not overly keen on the idea of being unemployed with an unknown future.  I pushed back.  Long and hard.  But yet my heart was longing to be free of the confines of my desk.  God saw the desire of my heart and made a path for me to walk away.

I did not know in January the repercussions of walking away.  What massively outrageously beautiful repercussions.  Jesus knew I needed a revitalization.  He knew my spirit was downcast and overrun and sputtering along on empty.  He knew the revitalization I needed was not going to be found in a quick mental and physical break.  Unbeknownst to be me, I required a complete overhaul of the heart. A six-month long overhaul.

Those first two months of unemployment it was just me in my home tackling boxes and boxes of my unpacked life from Chillicothe to Chenoa.  In those boxes the Son of God met me.  We walked through years of prayer journals together.  We uncovered wounds I thought we had healed.  We rediscovered and put to rest, one more time, lies I kept repeating to myself about my identity and my value.  We unearthed the beauty of a daily relationship with the Word of God.  I poured out my heart and my tears.  Jesus caught every one.  I cried out in anguish and fear and doubt and loneliness.  Jesus tethered himself to me.

There were oh so many days of the deep and body wracking tears cried out on my shower floor.  Jesus Christ met me there, spoke truth to me there, and restored my soul.

I am thankful for those two months.  January and February brought me into a renewed fellowship with the Savior of my soul. And then He brought me to Proverbs 31 Ministries and Lysa TerKeurst.  I was so richly blessed through her Bible study Finding I Am.  Believe you me, I found I AM in those pages.  I was reminded of who it is I praise and worship.  Jesus is the Bread of Life.  Jesus is the Light of the World.  Jesus is the Door.  Jesus is the Good Shepard.  Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life.  Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Jesus is the True Vine.

Above all Jesus is my Bread of Life.  Jesus is the my Light of the World.  Jesus is my Door.  Jesus is my Good Shepard.  Jesus is my Resurrection and Life.  For me Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Jesus is my True Vine.

As I was rediscovering who Jesus is to me He started me on the journey to revitalize my hunger and thirst of Him.  I hungrily pursued Him and as I pursued the next step was given to me.  One step followed by the next step followed by the next.  Then WHAM right out of left field came a humdinger which left my heart pounding a cry of “Yes, God, yes!  One hundred times yes!”

A beautiful friend, and a cousin through marriage, asked me to join her in co-leading a Bible study for a few members of our family.  She did not want me to feel pressured or backed into a corner in any way.  I could think and pray before responding.  There was not even the slightest inkling of a pause before I responded with my yes.

Three months into unemployment it became abundantly clear to me the purpose behind leaving my desk.  Jesus.  I had lost sight of Jesus.  I had unwittingly put Him on a shelf and left Him there for a more convenient time.

Jesus is not all about convenience.  I should not be about convenience.  It took unemployment (totally inconvenient) and an unknown future (earthshattering inconvenience) to bring me back to the feet of Jesus.  For months He knew I desired to be a member of a women’s Bible study in my new home.  But what He knew I needed more than Bible study was Him.  The Bread of Life.   

So God called me away from my desk and into unemployment.

He knew my unemployment would bring true soul healing.  He knew unemployment would bring me back to the ever merciful feet of Jesus.  He knew unemployment would prepare me to co-lead a women’s Bible study. He knew unemployment would be the thrust needed to expand my understanding of my salvation.  He knew unemployment would be used to deepen relationships with my new family. He knew.

God brought me to unemployment to met him.

Ten months ago when I was preparing to leave my desk for the last time I could not even begin to fathom the true purpose behind my discontent in my job.  Three months in, and then again in May, and then with the conclusion of our women’s study in Galatians I am only just beginning to appreciate the magnitude of my obedience to walk away from my desk.

God’s Kingdom.  Not mine.

Little did I know it would take an incredibly massive step of faith to bring about one of my life’s greatest blessings. Yet He knew.

He knows your heartache.  He knows your tears.  He knows your worries.  He knows your fears.  He knows the yearnings of your heart.  He knows where you are.  He knows your name. He knows who you are.

He knows.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

1 Peter 1:3-7

Beauty

Central Illinois has been full of rainy days.  Not just a handful but the majority of the summer has been chock full of cloudy, dreary days.  But when those not so glorious days give way to a day of sunshine and blue skies I am reminded of all the beauty waiting to be discovered not just on clear, gorgeous days but amidst the overcast and not so joyous days.

The heavens appear a little more blue after endless days of rain.  The fields are verdant and lush.  The creeks and rivers are gushing.  My heart is bursting with joy and wonder to run my hand along a wheat field rippling in the breeze. My soul is quieted when the teaming brooks and streams melodiously rumble past me.  I could sit contentedly by a babbling brook for hours and soak up the Son, feel His grace and mercy pour over me as the waters cause my feet to go numb with cold.

His beauty is on display daily.  It is just a matter of pausing to soak in His beauty.  To capture His grace and His still small voice I must be still.  I must be quiet.  I must listen.  There is no better place for me to be quiet and still than to bask in His glorious creation.  To soak in His beauty is pure bliss.

New Every Day

Alluring.  This is how I feel about the sun.  There is something that causes me to pause and soak in the warmth of the sun at its rise and its fade.  No matter where I go the sun never ceases to capture my attention.

It can be the rising of the sun over the Illinois River as I drive to work.  It might be the soaking of the last rays into a field of soy beans.  It could be the dancing prisms off the ocean landscape.  It can be mountain ranges swallowing whole the last visages of the sun. No matter the location or how familiar the landscape, the rising and setting of the sun captivates my attention.

Here recently I have been able to enjoy the company of my brother in two different states. We have been in two completely opposite landscapes.  We soaked in the sun while enjoying the crashing of waves in North Carolina and most recently captured the sun’s fading light over the swaying of Illinois prairie grasses.  Both locations offer beauty.  Both have been observed countless times.  Yet, I never grow weary of the swatches of color God swirls together to paint a breathtaking sky.

I was once asked if I would tire of the ocean’s setting sun and my immediate response was no. I have yet to grow tired of the Illinois landscape, I cannot begin to imagine tiring of the sun over the ocean’s endless waves of blue.  When I quiet myself in the early mornings and allow myself to be still as the sun’s globe of burnt sienna rises in the east, I am reminded of my Savior’s gentle mercies.

Every single day of my life my God is full of new mercies for me.  Mercy.  Mercy is commonly used in Christian vernacular. But do we ever really consider the definition of mercy?  What does it mean to receive mercy, to give mercy?  There are a handful of definitions but one I particularly like is from good ol’ Merriam-Webster, “compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one’s power.”

If ever there was an offender, I would be found immediately guilty.  On too many occasions, because of my sin, I have been the hammer driving the nails into my Savior’s hands.  My sin offends God yet he is merciful towards me.  In his mercy he sent his son, Jesus, to live, to die, to rise again for my offenses against Him. It is a miracle beyond my comprehension that Jesus has taken my guilt and placed it on himself that I might be forgiven and live freely in grace and mercy.

His mercy is not only for today but for every day.  He extends his mercy to me every day.  He would ever so much like to extend the same mercies to you.  Call to him, for he is faithful.

“Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.They are new every morning;

Great is your faithfulness.  ‘The LORD is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I hope in him!'”

~ Lamentations 3:23-24 ~

Just as I never grow weary of the skies painted in colors of azure, scarlet, and sienna, my LORD never tires of extending to me his daily mercies. When dawn’s early morning haze gives way to the brilliance of the rising sun or as the warmth of sun fades into the swaying fields of winter wheat, my breath catches in my chest.  I am not only beholding a masterpiece in the heavens but am receiving a gift, a visual reminder, that my Jesus has extended to me mercy.  Mercy.  Oh how sweet to daily bask in God’s mercy.  For as surely as the sun rises with the dawning of each new day, so too does God’s gentle mercies.

 

For Unto You

There is no better way to share the truths of Christmas than from the words of God’s Holy Scripture.  May you and yours be richly blessed by God’s abundant grace.  May you find in Him forgiveness at the cross.  Christ came so that we might have life and have it to the fullest (John 10:10b).  Seek the Christ child and you too shall find abundant grace and forgiveness.  Merry Christmas.   

Luke 2

2 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

² (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

³ And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

⁴ And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

⁵ To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

⁶ And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

⁷ And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

⁸ And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

⁹ And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

¹⁰ And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

¹¹ For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

¹² And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

¹³ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

¹⁴ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

¹⁵ And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

¹⁶ And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

¹⁷ And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

¹⁸ And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

¹⁹ But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

²⁰ And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

 

Beyond My Understanding

Often when asked what I am thinking my response will be, “Nothing.  I don’t really think a whole lot.  Mostly they are just songs floating up there.”  Ask practically anyone and they’ll tell you a song is being sung, hummed or belted almost all hours of the day.  Hiking is no exclusion.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found;

was blind, but now I see.

Rarely do I plan an Ashley Playlist.  It just kind of happens.  I’ll bounce from humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic to singing Sweet Caroline and move right along to Whistle While You Work and inevitably come full circle to Amazing Grace.  There is just something that swells within me while walking wooded trails which causes my heart to cry out to God.

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

and grace my fears relieved;

how precious did that grace appear

the hour I first believed.

The whispering pines, the chirping song birds and the humming cicadas are a perfect scene all designed to worship my heavenly Father.  When the melodies of creation surround me I find myself pondering how absolutely astounding is my God.  No matter how I try there is no physical way for me to stop the flow of Amazing Grace from tumbling off my lips.  It is a natural response of my soul.

Through many dangers, toils, and snares,

I have already come;

’tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,

and grace will lead me home.

Gratitude

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.”

~~~  G.K. Chesterton  ~~~

Today while reading I came across this quote by G.K. Chesterton. I know in my current state I am living as if prayers of gratitude are just before a meal or as I go to sleep. I want to return to a constant state of gratitude. Where prayers are forever rolling off the tip of my tongue or being prayed silently. My faith in Christ is stronger when united constantly through prayer. My relationship with Christ is grounded when united constantly in prayer. Saying grace is more than just a means of saying thank you before a meal. At least it should be.